While i was driving home after an exhausting day with my students-teenagers, i did what calms me the most: saying the “Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me” prayer with my prayer rope (komposhini) and listening to my favourite radio station. The reading was from a book of a saint, who i didn’t hear the name, and who i am sure does not mind. You see, saints, unlike us, were wise and holy people, whose popularity did not matter to them. Quite the contrary, they were avoiding public praise as if it were the plague. The man in the radio was saying that our mind, will always search for its heart, because that’s where our essence lives. Then he went on to explain how important it is to keep our heart pure, free from daily worries, untouched from ugly and unhealthy thoughts about the world, the future and ourselves. Even when we find ourselves getting distracted by the horror movies that our brain is making, while our life is happening in front of us, then all we have to do is just pray, or surrender the things we have no control over, and our mind will feel warm and content snuggling in our heart.

Listening to this, reminded me of all the times i had to process people’s anxious thoughts and worries, only to find out that most of them are a by- product of our need to control everything. Also, our need to control everything stems from our need to always be ahead, the best, the mostests of the mostess. But at what cost indeed? And when i say to my clients, “you know, you do not have control of the outcome, and that the only thing you have control over is your moment, so work hard to be in your moment, and the future will be nice and tall because it will be based on a strong present. The response i usually get is ” of course i have control of the outcome, look how far i came in life….my accomplishments did not come to be by accidents”. I usually reply, i am sure that your success was a product of your hard work, but at what cost? And that’s when the tears start rolling, because usually the cost we pay for our constant worries and anxieties about the future, and need to control every bit of aspect of our lives, comes with a large cost. Maybe larger than what we want to admit. Neglected husbands, who end up looking for attention in the bed of another, unattended children who are thirsty for our attention. and when we, as parents do not fulfill their basic emotional needs, rest assure, they will find it somewhere else. They will find it with their friends, who party, drink, smoke and do drugs. they will find it with boys and girls who will give them sex in return of attention, they will find it in their loneliness, and wishes of death, they will find it in their obsessions with school grades and anxiety attacks, and so on so forth.

Do not get me wrong. I am a mother of 5, always have worked full time, and i felt more times guilty than not for getting carried away by the torrent of the daily sacrifices of what makes a posh life (soccer, piano, english classes, painting classes etc). These writings are not meant to assign blame or guilt to anyone. If you are already feeling guilty, it is because you just realized that probably you violated a very important value you have. The family value. And as such, your guilt is communicating to you that you need to do something about it.

So rather than blaming yourself, ourself, i would like to invite you in this new chapter of your life, where living in the moment matters more than a perfect demanding future. I am inviting you to learn what is within your control, and what you need to surrender. Finally i am inviting you to prioritize what’s important to you. One of the biggest longitudinal studies done in Harvard university lasted for almost 75 years. During those years, researchers followed some hundreds of males from college years until they were deeply elder. The research question was “what makes people happy.” The results were, that those who scored the highest in the happiness scale, and those that were the healthiest were the ones that had strong, close and meaningful relationships. It was not success, or money, or university degrees that mattered. But what made people happy, over and over again throughout the years, was how many people they kept close to them, and in essence the degree to which they gave and received love.

So there, live your moment and allow those that want to love you to do that, and give yourself permission to receive this love. Finally, give yourself permission to love others, because this is how your heart will be filled with love, and when it does, then your mind will rest there in peace.

To my beautiful, kind, loving Elder Efraim of Arizona- i will forever love you (even though this feeling does not mount up everything you gave me), and i will forever be grateful for everything you’ve taught me, and given me. Please remember me in heaven.