Κάποιες αγάπες γεννιούνται εκεί που όλα δείχνουν πως δεν υπάρχει ελπίδα…
Η Κασσιανή μεγαλώνει σε μια στοργική οικογένεια, θεμελιωμένη στην πίστη και τις διαχρονικές αξίες. Ο Γαβριήλ, πληγωμένος από έναν κόσμο πλούτου και συναισθηματικής εγκατάλειψης, δεν πιστεύει στην αγάπη. Μια τυχαία συνάντηση τους ενώνει – και ανατρέπει τα πάντα.
Καθώς συγκρούονται το φως και το σκοτάδι, η ψυχή της Κάσιας γίνεται το καταφύγιο του Γαβριήλ. Αλλά μπορείς να σώσεις κάποιον χωρίς να χαθείς; Και μπορεί ο έρωτας να γιατρέψει παλιές πληγές;
Μείνε Όσο Αντέχεις είναι ένα δυνατό μυθιστόρημα ενηλικίωσης και πίστης, βασισμένο στις αρχές της Ορθόδοξης Εκκλησίας. Ένα ταξίδι μέσα από πειρασμούς, μυστικά, πάθη και λύτρωση. Μια υπενθύμιση ότι η αληθινή αγάπη είναι απόφαση… και θυσία.
📖Για άτομα που αναζητούν κάτι περισσότερο από ένα απλό love story.
Είναι η εμπειρική μου γνώμη ως κλινικός ψυχολόγος, που ειδικεύεται σε παιδιά και οικογένειες, ότι κάθε φορά που υπάρχει χωρισμός, διαζύγιο ή ακόμα και διχόνοια στην οικογένεια, αυτός που αποξενώνεται από τα παιδιά του είναι συνήθως ο πατέρας. Έχω δει πολλές περιπτώσεις στις οποίες η μητέρα έχει χρησιμοποιήσει τον πατέρα εναντίον των παιδιών του, λόγω του δικού της πόνου ή των διαφορών μαζί του.
Άκου μητέρα. Παρόλο που έχεις πληγωθεί, ή ακόμα αντιμετώπισες άσχημες καταστάσεις λόγω του πατέρα, εκτός αν υπάρχει ζήτημα ενδοοικογενειακής βίας, κακοποίησης ή ουσιών, δεν υπάρχει άλλος λόγος ο πατέρας να αποξενωθεί από τα παιδιά του. Παρόλο που είσαι ικανή να μεγαλώσεις μόνη σου τα παιδιά σου, και έχεις πολλές ικανότητες και ταλέντα, τα παιδιά σου εξακολουθούν να χρειάζονται τον πατέρα τους. Αυτοί είναι οι 3 λόγοι γιατί τα παιδιά σου χρειάζονται τον πατέρα τους ακόμα και όταν εσύ τον μισείς για τους δικούς σου λόγους.
Τα παιδιά που μεγάλωσαν με τους πατεράδες τους έχουν καλύτερη αυτοεκτίμηση, λόγω του τρόπου με τον οποίο ένας πατέρας σχετίζεται με τα παιδιά τους. Οι πατέρες ωθούν τα παιδιά τους στα όριά τους και συνήθως θέτουν αυστηρότερα όρια, γεγονός που τους επιτρέπει να ρυθμίζουν τα συναισθήματά τους και να επιτυγχάνουν νέα πράγματα.
Οι πατέρες παρέχουν μια αίσθηση ασφάλειας για τα παιδιά τους επειδή παίζουν με σωματικά έντονο τρόπο μαζί τους και κατά την διάρκεια του παιχνιδιού συνήθως αλλάζουν τους κανόνες. Αυτός η σωματική επαφή και η απρόβλεπτη κατάσταση του παιχνιδιού, βοηθάει τα παιδιά να μάθουν να προσαρμόζονται και να γίνονται ευέλικτα.
Οι πατέρες συνήθως εμμένουν στις συνέπειες που θέτουν όταν τα παιδιά είναι άτακτα, και αυτό χτίζει χαρακτήρα και ταπεινότητα. Μια αρετή που είναι γνωστό ότι καλλιεργεί ανθεκτικότητα στα παιδιά.
Γι’ αυτό σας παρακαλώ, μητέρες, σταματήστε να χρησιμοποιείτε τα παιδιά σας σαν σφαίρα για να εκδικηθείτε τον σύζυγό σας, τον πρώην σύζυγό σας, τον πατέρα του μωρού σας κ.λπ., γιατί θα εξοστρακιστεί από την συναισθηματική και καθημερινή ζωή τους, και θα φταίτε εσείς. Μια μέρα τα παιδιά σου θα μεγαλώσουν, και θα σχηματίσουν τη δική τους γνώμη για τους γονείς τους και θα δυσανασχετήσουν με το γεγονός ότι τα κράτησες μακριά από τον πατέρα τους.
Όσον αφορά εσένα αγαπητέ πατέρα, θα ήθελα να ξέρεις, ότι πρέπει να σηκωθείς και να αγωνιστείς για τα ίσα δικαιώματά σου όσο αφορά την μέριμνα του παιδιού σου. Κανείς άλλος δεν θα το κάνει για σένα. Αν αισθάνεσαι ότι έχεις παραμεριστεί άδικα, μην στέκεσαι εκεί και απλά να παρακολουθείς την κατάσταση. Να αγωνιστείς για το δικαίωμά σου να μεγαλώσεις τα παιδιά σας. Γιατί μια μέρα, τα παιδιά σου θα μεγαλώσουν και αυτά με την σειρά τους, και θα σε ρωτήσουν “γιατί, ή πού ήσουν όταν σε χρειαζόμουν;” Ελπίζω να έχεις μια καλή απάντηση. Και όχι, το να κατηγορείς τη μητέρα δεν είναι καλή απάντηση. Οι άνθρωποι μπορούν να κάνουν ό,τι θέλουν, αλλά αυτό που μετράει στη ζωή είναι το πώς εσύ αντιδράς.
It has been my experience as a clinical psychologist, who specializes in children and teenagers that whenever there is separation, divorce or even discord in the family, the one who gets alienated from his children is usually the father. I have seen numerous cases in which the mother has used the father against his children, because of her own pain or differences with him.
Listen up mother. Even though you have been hurt, or even treated badly by the father, unless there is an issue of domestic violence, abuse or substances, there is no other reason the father should be alienated from his children. Even though you are capable of raising them by yourself and you have so may skills and talents, your children still need their father. These are the 3 reasons why.
Children who grew up with their fathers have better self-esteem, because of the way a father relates to their children. Fathers push their children to their limits, and usually set stricter boundaries, which allows them to regulate their emotions and achieve new things.
Fathers provide a sense of security for their children because they will rustle with them while they play, and they usually change the rules, in a way that their game becomes unpredictable. This way, children learn to adopt and become flexible.
Fathers usually stick to the consequences they set for when the children are mischievous, and this builds character and humility. A virtue known to built resilience in children.
So please, mothers, stop using your children as a bullet to revenge your husband, ex husband, baby’s father etc. because it will ricochet on your children, and you will be the one to blame. One day your children will grow up, and they will form their own opinion about their parents and they will resent the fact tha you kept them away from their father.
As far as you are concerned dear father, I would like for you to know, that you should stand up and fight for your equal rights to co-parent. No one else will do it for you. If you feel that you have been unfairly pushed aside, don’t just stand there and watch. Fight for your right to raise your children. Because one day, your children will grow up, and they will ask you “why, or where have you been when I needed you?” I hope you will have a good answer. And no, blaming the mother is not a good answer. People can do whatever they want, but what counts in life is how you respond.
A simple strategy to build ethos in your family, while minimizing screen time!
Start by having a discussion with them on how everyone in the family are going on a mission this summer. It will take dedication, effort and lots of love, but the results will be amazing. whoever accomplishes their “ethos” tasks for the day, they get to earn some screen time (no more than 2 hours a day)
Lay down the rules.
Complete my chores. (whether you have help for cleaning or not, all children should learn to make their bed, clean their room, do laundry and assist with daily cleaning. This help them feel useful, it teaches them skills, and it increases self esteem.)
Show love and respect for everyone in the family. This sets the importance of family values and it builds character.
Do something creative. This will teach children their unique personality trait, and it will help them embrace their sense of self worth. this will allow them to know that when everything else fails in life, at least they are good at something. attention parents, this is their time, allow them to be creative in anything they choose to.
Read my book. Well we all know the benefits from reading. every child can find a book they enjoy!
Socialize. Spend time with friends or with my family. Play board games, or invite friends over. Sports or other activities can count as socializing as well.
Ethos printable poster for your family
You can print the Ethos mission in a beautiful infographic and you can hung it in a place where everyone can see!
Go through old photos with family. Use screen mirroring on TV so everyone can see.
Keep it deep questions: what impressed you the most?
How would you describe yourself back then? (Adults usually realize how much pooping they were doing on themselves in the past, only to realize that when looking back they were actually more than amazing!)
In other words, looking at old pictures is therapeutic.
Don’t forget to state the 3 things that makes you grateful
So I promised the parents and the students of GC school of careers daily posts on how to keep sane during these insane times.
Today I found.myself discussing with my students how they are the luckiest students ever, because they have the most time from.all students in the past, to study destruction free. Actually, one.of my students said that she was amazed to see how much she has accomplished during these times. Another one said that he was amazed how long the day is. He also said that he realized how much he missed seeing his friends.
Besides academics, during these times instead of asking ourselves why me, let’s ask why not me, and start the habit of becoming grateful for everything you do have.
For those students and parents that are stuck on grades, well guess what. This is your second chance to reconsider what’s important in life. What if I am.an A* student but I experience daily panic attacks and anxieties, and hate the world, and the world hates me. What will I do with my A* grades with no one around me to share them with.
Parents, relax. Stop.pressuring your kids about grades. Encourage them.to have values above all. Teach them how to be grateful for what they have. Do not provide everything for them. Let them.work hard towards earning or a.privillage.
Studies have shown that children who have parents that give them everything,experience the same symptoms like children who have been abused. Depression and hopelessness. Why? Because human beings are made to be creative. When you provide everything for them ( including spoon feeding their homework, pressure them to get As) you take away their chance to develop abilities such as hard work, internal motivation and respect for themselves and others
You know where that leads them? To depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. Trust me, most children are already hard on themselves and are pressuring themselves. They don’t need you to do that for them. Encourage them to spread their wings and fly, set the standards, and set them free. An excellent book I reccomend for you to read is Growth mindset by Carol Dweck.
Challenge for today
Celebrate mistakes! Keep truck of all the mistakes you or your child makes and celebrate them as a chance to grow!
All advice given is based on what resilient people do during difficult times in their lives.
The goal during this difficult time is to go through this crisis without making it worse, so here are the 3 “Stay” secrets to follow during this isolation.
Stay realistic. No one will tell you that this is easy. It is hard for everyone. Actually resilient people understand this concept from a very early point in their life: that difficult times happen to all of us and this is part of life. Resilient people do not ask why me, but rather wonder every day why not me. In other words, resilient people understand that we all, without any exception, go through difficulties, and this is part of life. Actually studies have shown that a fair amount of difficult times in ones life builds character, makes one stronger and teaches one how to be a fighter. This is why child psychologists always encourage parents to set strict and fair boundaries for their children. This way, they can better prepare them for the unavoidable difficult times in life. It is during difficult times that we learn how to regulate our emotions and learn how to manage anger, sadness, boredom, and depression effectively.
Stay focused on what is working, rather than on what is not going right. Become part of the solution, not the problem. Use strategies that work. For example, during weekdays make sure you set a schedule just like your usual weekday and show up for life. Wake up the usual time you would wake up, do your chores, school work, exercise etc, just like you would do any other day. When it is time for coffee or relaxing times, call your friends on the phone and have coffee together. Eat meals together, cook, clean and do what you always do.
Stay mindful in the here and now. Stop making horror movies in your head. Teach your mind to become the boss of you and do not allow your thoughts to take over. Thoughts are just thoughts, nothing else. They cannot predict the future, and they cannot become anything else unless you let them to. Our thoughts follow these five steps.
a thought appears in your mind
you start noticing the thought
you start having a conversation with your thought
you believe your thoughts as if they are a reality
all the steps happen so fast and so automatic that you start feeling overwhelm all due to just a thought. So the solution, is catch yourself on step 1, and choose to make your thoughts a background noise instead of your reality by staying mindful in the here and now. spend more time in your life than in your head.
In the sixteen years of my career as a psychologist I have seen and heard many broken hearts. The ones that pain me the most are those that have truly loved another, trusted another, sacrificed so much for another, only to see their heart broken in million pieces. And since this is a post for women and children I will only speak for the broken heart of a woman.
It is indeed a fact that not everyone can love truly. The answer is simple and complicated at the same time. Bowlby, the famous attachment theory psychoanalyst had once said that, if a child has been deprived or have never formed an emotional bond with a primary caregiver from infancy until the age of 3, which is considered a critical period for emotional bonding in human beings, this child may never, ever be able to form a healthy emotional attachment with another.
Of course, there are always exceptions to this rule, and countless examples of people who survived childhood, neglect and abuse and became healthy adults who were able to give and receive love. But trust me when I say this, usually these people spent many many years of their lives living in a trial and error mode when formulating relationships and had to learn how to love and be loved with a lot of emotional work within themselves.
I am explaining all these to argue that not everyone is capable for truly giving and receiving love in a healthy way. So here are some warning signs to keep in mind when you are starting to date someone or find yourself in an unsatisfying relationship.
Please do not use this article to diagnose your relationship, rather if you see too many warning signs as described below better to discuss it with someone you trust or an expert.
1. Men will chase after a woman they love. If you find yourself to have to play the waiting game too often, in order to get to see him, he is probably not fully invested in you.
1. If you find yourself becoming jealous too often ask yourself: have I always been so insecure or are you feeling this way since you started this relationship. If your jealousy stems from your deep insecurities, fix it. However many times when women feel jealous is because they sense a real threat. So.don’t dismiss your feeling too quickly, while carrying a guilt that does not belong to you. Rather open your eyes and just make a realistic assessment of your relationship. Are you feeling this way because his eyes are wondering, becoming flirtatious with others, spending hours without checking in and you not knowing where he is? If that’s the case or you catch him in similar situations then you have the right to be jealous. This feeling is warning you for a potential threat.
3. A man needs his time with his guy friends and to do his hobbies, but he always seeks the comfort of his love in the end of the day. Is he distancing himself from you and you are finding yourself to wonder why he feels this way? When you asked him about it, he is very evasive and gives unclear answers? If this is the case, then have a heart to heart open communication stressing very clearly what are your needs in the relationship without feeling guilty.
4. A man who lives and respects a woman, loves and respects her friends and family. If he is.avoiding get togethers with your family and friends and finds excuses, he is most.likely not fully invested.
5. A committed man always talks about the future together. He does not avoid this topic, neither does he dismiss it.
6. Finally, do you feel safe with him. Do you share the same values? Like wanting to have a home and a family together? Do you have similar spiritual beliefs? People with similar values in life tend to partner well together. If you find yourself having to lie to your family and your friends about his whereabouts, or if you find yourself having to do things you used to hate just to please him, then stop and ask yourself why are you paying such a high cost for this?
Finally when you give someone so much love, trust and credit, make sure he is ready to receive it. Not everyone is capable of loving so strongly like.you.
While working with privileged teenagers I realized that so many of them are in such need of something that money cannot buy. They need someone to pray for them. While living in the States close to the monasteries I had the blessing to be surrounded by monks and nuns, whose sole purpose in life is prayer for others, and secondly themselves. What a great privilege it is indeed; to have friends who spend quite some time praying for you. When everything else failed in my life back then, I knew that at least I had some people praying for me. And so this monk-friend once told me ” when you pray for someone is like depositing blessings in their bank, and during difficult times, these prayers are withdrawn to help them with their struggles.”
So here I.am thinking that my students have parents that give them everything they want and don’t want. They have parents that carved their present and future perfectly. The best education money can buy. Preparing them for ivy league schools. Having the most luxurious and fun vacations all over the world. Wearing the comfiest and funsiest clothes fashion can show. But when they hesitantly knock on the door to my office asking to speak with me with a trembling voice, and then pouring their heart out in tears full of worries, panick, anxieties, emptiness and fear, I then realize how empty their spiritual bank account is.
Come here my beautiful soul, and let me tell you that just because you have a thought, it does not mean it s true. You have to learn how to be the master of your mind. You have to know how to filter the thoughts that enter your soul. You have got to learn how to spend more time in your presence than your head. Life is happening in front of you, while you are too busy thinking of hypothetical scenarios. ” and what if this, and what if that…..” You also have got to learn to do your part, let others do their part and let God to His part. And that s when they stop sobbing, and while wiping their tears off their eyes they tell me ” ….but miss I don’t believe in God….” ” I know you don’t my love…perhaps you can start a journey to see if He is there…if He is real…you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I am sure you tried yoga, meditation, maybe drugs, perhaps going to a psychic. Well it is about time to stop going west if you want to go east. and when you find Him….then you would have gained everything”. Then i go on to tell them about the power of praying without seizing using a prayer rope.
And after they leave, with tears in my eyes and with an ache in my heart I pray for them and I pray for their family. That ache I feel, that punch in my stomach is exactly th same one I feel when I meet children that have lived in poverty, have been abused, have been.involved in drugs or were raised in underprivileged conditions.
So my dear parents, please pray for your children. They need your prayers more than your money. Because they live in a very dangerous, immoral, cold, twisted, harmful, dark world. And while they are away from you, and you have no control of who can hurt them or.lead them.into a dark.path that no money can bring them back, just know this: know that there are not enough demons in hell to hurt the children of parents who pray.
Dr. Kontoulis, Clinical Psychologist 